The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost Kiss [Amy Noelle Parks]

I like watching them crash and burn. Because let’s face it: I am totally in love with Evie Beckham.

I should start of by saying that quantum weirdness has no place in this book other than referencing that the main female character likes math. And literally no one is going to come away from reading Amy Noelle Parks’ The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss knowing anything about what quantum means. But, I digress, because that’s not really the problem with this book. Honestly, Parks’ novel is basically a giant pile of BIG yikes.

Can We NOT with Male Entitlement

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I’m usually a huge fan of boys pining after a girl, loving her so much that he puts her first despite it hurting to see her happy with others. I’ve been obsessed with trash shows solely because of big sweetheart guys like that. You know, the sort who don’t expect a thing and just want the girl they love to be happy? So, in theory, I should have loved Quantum Weirdness.

But honestly? Main character and best friend love interest, Caleb is a capital D douchebag. He’s also kind of creepy obsessed rather than innocently in love. I’m not entirely sure what Parks thought she was portraying with him, but trust me when I say it was not sweetheart best friend just wanting the girl he loves to be happy even if it hurts him. It wasn’t even him just silently wishing she’d love him in the same way but still being a great friend.

Nah, he was an entitled creep who thought if he kept track of all the times he almost kissed her or thought about kissing her and waited long enough she’d finally fall in love with him. Of course, this sort of creepy stalker-esque behavior often results in serious problems. See, the only reason their friendship lasted as long as it did without hiccups is because Evie never showed any sign of romantic interest in anyone.

But the second she does…

Enter Leo

Haha, okay. So, Evie is into math. And one day she meets a decently nice guy who is, coincidentally, into math as well. Caleb’s response to this is…less than ideal. The amount of vitriol that he spews at Leo, thought wise, is disturbing. Frankly, the only reason he didn’t turn into creeper mental breakdown stalker is because he’s a fictional character. In real life this is the sort of guy who would have a full on tantrum about the uninterested girl not cowing to his entitlement.

He’s a straight up ass to Leo from the very first second he learns Leo likes Evie. And it only gets worse once Evie expresses her interest. The nerve of this entitled child seriously pissed me off. Especially since instead of being somewhat sad but at least happy that his friend is happy, he decides to go out of his way to prove to her without her knowledge that he is the guy for her. Caleb literally catfishes her.

He carefully develops a profile on a website related to this contest thing they’re part of with the express purpose of weaseling his way into her life as a romantic interest. Magically, she finds his curated profile and messages him. He hides his identity from her because, I shit you not, he thinks the only reason she’s not realized she’s in love with him is because he’s been seen as her best friend for so long. And not only that, but he gets personal information from her about both of his personas without her knowledge.

Honestly, everything about Caleb just seriously fucking disgusted me.

The Anxiety Stuff

By this point I’m just…too disgusted by the romance to care about anything else going on in the book. There are a few textbook annoying things like the friend who pushes them together because somehow she can see that they’ve loved each other forever and seriously dumb miscommunications to set up and further the plot.

There was a lot of potential for a really great story involving the anxiety side plot. But, of course, that gets pushed aside and diminished because: romance and the one! So, that was disappointing. Honestly, I wish she’d picked Leo in the end, realized Caleb was awful, and overcome her anxiety thanks to the many years spent in therapy rather than using the stupid catfisher as a crutch.

Narration

Even the amazing voices of Nick Mondelli and Elizabeth Cottle couldn’t save this ship from drowning. I do have to admit that I did enjoy the audiobook narration. I’ve always been a huge fan of audibooks with multiple narrators. It makes the story feel more real, in a way, when you can connect with multiple voices. Of course, that kind of hurt this book a little bit because it made Caleb seem more real…which just infuriated me more.

But, I’ll at least say that Nick has a good voice and I won’t hold Caleb against him.